Each Little Decision, Determines Big Things!
As a kid, I had always, somewhat, had a “lost” feeling ever since I could remember. I would ponder out the car window, while going on short trips to the store, longer trips to visit relatives, and even swinging outside on a summer day. I would ponder during these times if God was real, where was he at, what was he doing, could he really look down on everyone, and could he really be everywhere?
I was in fourth grade when I was first invited to church. I was sitting in the children’s service when they gave an opportunity to come to know Jesus. I knew I wanted to know Him, to know how He could love me so much, to know all of the things I had always pondered on. My heart was beating nervously and when they asked if anyone wanted to know Jesus, I knew I did! I don’t recall all the fine details but I do recall the ones that matter! I raised my hand and they said I could go to the back of the room and talk with one of the teachers, so I did. There were two other boys already with her and we all went into a small Sunday school room where, even the teacher, sat in the little kid sized chairs and she opened her Bible. She asked us if we knew we were sinners and showed us in the Bible, in Romans, where sin leads to death but Jesus leads to eternal life with Him. She told us how to ask Jesus in our hearts and asked us if we wanted to do that and we all did, so we prayed to ask Him to come into our hearts and save us from our sin. She, then prayed for us.
I went home and told my mother, who, I remember was on the porch trimming her roses! Is this why I love roses so much and have such a good feeling when I see them? I don’t know, but it could just be that they are beautiful gifts from God for us to enjoy while on this earth, but I do think of them as a symbol of remembrance, of my salvation, and the time I told my mother that I had asked Him into my heart. The fact that roses are such a symbol of love, just makes them all the more special! Now, my testimony doesn’t end there.
I went to church with my friend a few more times that summer and to summer camp, and then school started back, time for fifth grade, and time for a different school. Our old one was closing and we got sent to a new one with new teachers, different ways of teaching, and new friends, but we didn’t have to walk outside in the snow, rain, etc… to go from class to class, which was very nice! We made many more friends and then moved on to middle school. I got involved in cheerleading and was busy with that and then high school came, the time seemed to go by so slow as a kid, you think you’ll never graduate!
When I looked back at how much time I lost getting to know all about the Lord, I realized just how fast that time went by! I’m not saying that during that time I didn’t talk to the Lord at all, I did, but I hadn’t been growing in knowledge of Him!
I didn’t know just how far I had drifted from Him until it became evident, when I was asked to go to church, of course, for Easter, by a boyfriend I had in high school. I remember the conversation pretty good but then anyone who knew me then, knew I didn’t like having to speak in a group of people. I literally took a “D” in my high school English class one quarter because I refused to give a speech. I had always made As, Bs, & Cs. Well, needless to say, I was declining to go to church, even though deep down I really wanted to. I wanted to go buy a new dress, shoes, etc and get my Easter outfit just like everyone else did back then to celebrate our Risen Savior but somehow I just didn’t “feel” saved anymore, I didn’t “want” to have to talk in front of people I didn’t know, but I did feel led to go. Stupid as it seems now, I made a deal. I would go, if he promised I would not have to say ANYTHING! I meant ANYTHING, not even my name! He promised! LOL
I went to church that Easter Sunday and looking back, I realized this was all part of Gods plan to draw me back to Him and that everything, even the little things, are used in our life for a reason. I was drawn back to God that day, despite the fact that I didn’t know it yet, and I did stand and say my name and what school I went to and who I came to church with, in front of a room of 50 people! Okay, it was probably more like 30 and I just had to stand at my seat, but I did it! Funny thing is, despite that, I was drawn by the Lord to go back to church there! Not just once, but again and again, until one day, I went down and wanted to be saved and the next week, which just happened to be Father’s Day, I followed the Lords command and was Baptized. My testimony can’t end here either, you see, the Lord never leaves us, I learned that from the Bible, the Bible does say that! The more I learned, the more I questioned…the more I questioned, the closer I felt to Him! I realized that I hadn’t lost my salvation along the way, I was still saved, just as saved as ever! I had drifted from God, I wasn’t on the right path in my life, I wasn’t going to church to learn about Him and worship Him, I wasn’t living for Him, but He was still with me the whole way and He led me back to the path He had for me. If I had all this knowledge before hand, I would have gone down to rededicate my life to Him in high school, and not to be saved again, because I was already saved and couldn’t have meant it more, but then, God knew all this and He knew my heart and He knew that I would drift from Him but He had the people in place and the plan to get me back where I needed to be!
I met my husband at that church that I had declined to go to because I didn’t want to even have to say my name! He was brought up in a Christian home and has taught me so much about Gods word and is such a Godly man, I’m so thankful the Lord led me to him. When I don’t understand something or have any Biblical questions, I can depend on him for a clear understanding based on the Bible. We got married at that church and we have three of the best kids that parents could ask for! They are all adults now and I’m looking forward to watching them grow in their lives. Has my life been perfect? No! Has it been without heartache? No! We take each day, one day at a time, and He gets us through it. We are always learning new things, loving new people, and taking new steps, His steps, His footprints, as He carries us through it, one day at a time! So, you see, each little decision does determine big things!
